PS 635 
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Copy 1 



Al Martin's 
Country Store 



Ji Comedy'Drama in FiVe Jicts 
BY 

Archibald Humboldt 

and 

Martelle E^verett 

Copyright, 1903, bp March "Brothers 



tCv 



This book is tlie property of MARCH BROTHERS, 
and is never sold. All public or private perform- 
ance, by professionals or amateurs, is prohibited, 
except where written consent of the proprietors has 
been secured. This book must be returned after 
the entertainment. 



LE.BANON, OHIO 
MARCH BROTHERS. Publishers 



AL MARTIN'S 
COUNTRY STORE 

A Comedy-Drama in Five Acts 

n 

By 

ARCHIBALD HUMBOLDT 

AND 

MARTELLE EVERETT 



COPTFIGHT, 1903, BY MARCH BROTHERS 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 

PROFESSIONAL OR AMATEUR PERFORMANCE PROHIR- 

ITED EXCEPT WHERE SPECIAL PERMISSION 

IS GIVEN 



6 



Lebanon, Ohio 
MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers 




3 ^ rf-^ ' 



General Instructions. ^ |A3'^-' 



Window 















" 


- \ 


Shelving 










E D ■ 


C 




POSTOFFICE 


COUNTEIt 












T. 














o 




a 








O 




o 

H 




< 

5 




o 


Stove 


o 








o 


£3 

























o 




















>■ 







Door F 



Door G 



Front 



Th,e stage should be arraDged as per above diagram, 
jaiid skould baxe^aii far as x^ossible the appearance of a 
gen itine store. ^ The shelving can be filled with numer- 
ous articles borrowed for the occasion, finished out 
with grocery signs, advertisements of various food 
products, etc. The stove is not necessary, but numerous 
boxes, kegs, broken chairs, etc., should be in the centei 
of room for the loafers. 



Characters, Costumes, Etc. 



Al. Martin. Storekeeper and postmaster. A man of forty. 

Modern store dress, 
Marie Martin. His daughter. An up-to-date girl of eighteen. 

Assistant postmaster. 
Sam Johnson. Carpenter. Any age. Ordinary clothing. 
Tom Briggs. Laborer. Any age. Ordinary clothing. 
Buck Friend. Brickmaker. Middle aged. Wears overalls. 
Rube Hutohins. An old time farmer. Very sober manner. 

Very hard of hearing. 
Harold Hawley, A civil engineer. An up-to-date young 

man. A stranger. 
Robert Corey. A railroad promoter. A hustler of fifty. A 

stranger. 

I Up-to-date girls. Chums of Marie. 
Anna j ^ ^ 

Mrs. Blake I, ^^ . , ^ ^ , -^ , ^ 

-. ^ f Women in sunbonnets and kitchen dress. 

Mrs. Smith-* 

Mrs. Haavkins) -,.,,, ^ , ^- • .<•* 

■ f Middle aged ladies in afternoon dress. 
Miss Simons J 

Hunter. A boy of the age when voice changes. Has gun, 

game bag, etc, 
Gus. A rather slow young man. 
Ned. a rather fast young man. 
Jerry. A hungry loafer. Keeps buying crackers, &c., and 

eats while loafing. 
Si Newcomb. A man of fifty. Full evening dress. Clean 

shaven. Speaks very distinctly. 
Ralph Miller. A school teacher. 
Rev. John Wesley Asbury. A Methodist minister of ability. 

Rather elderly. Ministerial dress. 
Otto Padretti. A traveling music teacher. Dressy. 
Squire Holden. An old, miserly skinflint. 
Jim. a ragged little colored boy. Full of life and fun. 
Mandy Spriggs. An awkward, giggling, comical girl. Hair 

in plaits, heavy shoes, ill-fitting calico dress. 

Numei'ous customers, all ages. 



4 AL. MARTIN'S COUNTRY STORE 

During the progress of the play, numerous customers 
of all ages come and go, some making purchases, most 
all calling for mail. Occasionally one receives a letter 
or paper from Marie, who is in charge of the postoflflce. 
Some of the customers make purchases and depart 
quickly, but most tarry a while and listen to the con- 
versation. Any number of persons may be employed 
in this -manner. The success of the entertainment 
dej)ends largely upon the natural action of the par- 
ticipants. 

It will be well to substitute local names for those 
given in the play, both as to persons mentioned and 
places. This will add to the merriment. Local hits 
may also be introduced. 

Let one or two customers be making purchases each 
time the curtain is raised. 

Jim and Mandy should be upon the stage much of 
the time, 'darting in and out, making fun of other 
characters behind their backs, and indulging in grim- 
ances and antics. Use tact in selecting these two 
characters. 

Have two or ^three characters who are constantly 
calling for mail for themselves and all their relatives 
and neighbors and getting none. Let them insist there 
MUST be some. Ask when the next mail comes, if 
there is any other postoffice, etc. 



Ai.. Martin's Country Store. 



ACT I. Monday morning. Sam Johnson, Tom 
Briggs, and Buck Friend sitting around the 
stove. Al behind couixter. 

Sam. Was }' ou down to meetin' last night, Al ? 

AL Yes. Were you? 

Sam. l>lo. They say ye had a powerful good 
sermon. 

Al That we did.. 

Sam. An' Si Pinckncy's gal sung an awful 
pretty song, I hear'd. 

Al. Yes. 

Tom. She 's a awful good singer, ain't she ? 

Sam. She jist is. What 'd she sing about last 
night, Al? 

Al. I believe the name of it is the Holy City." 

Sam. 'Bout dreamin' an' seein' angels ? 

Al. Yes. 

Sam. Heard her sing that last winter at re- 
vival meetin'. I tell ye she kin sing it till ye 
almost think ye are there. 

Biicl\ Better git her to sing ye clean in, Sam ! 
Don't know how you '11 git there any other way. 

Sam. Xever you mind about me. Look after 
your own admission ticket. 



6 AL. martin's country store 

(Enter little girl with basket.) 

Tom. Sweep off your own doorstep. That it, 
Sam? 

Girl (to Al). Here 's some eggs, and mother 
"wants yon to give her half sugar and half coffee 
for them. I '11 be back after them in a minute. 
(Exit.)" 

(Al squats behind counter at "A/' facing front. 
Counts eggs from basket to box under counter.) 

(Enter young hunter with gun.) 

Hunter (whose voice is changing, to Al, who is 
still counting eggs. In deep voice). Give me a 
nickel's worth of crackers (voice changes to high 
key) and a dime's worth of cheese. 

Al. (without looking up). All right. I '11 
wait on both of your in a minute. 

(Al proceeds and waits on various customers, 
while conversation continues. Several come and 
go, making purchases, calling for mail, etc.). 

(Enter Squire Holden.) 

TI olden. Al, I want to talk to you. I am go- 
ing to build a barn, and I will be put to an awful 
expense, and must save my money. I want to 
know what discount you will give me if I make all 
my purchases at your store. 

Al. What kind of purchases? 

Holden. Daily purchases of provisions — every- 
thing needed by my family. 

Al. Do you mean groceries in small quanti- 
ties? 

Holden. Yes, but of course the aggregate will 
be large. 



AL. 



Al. Why, Squire Holden, I can't allow a dis- 
conut on such purchases. I am selling goods at 
the lowest possible price, and I cannot give any- 
thing off. 

Holden. No discount. Why, I am amazed ! I 
thought you would allow a third off, at least. 
Wliy, what do you mean? 

AL It 's out of the question. Squire; I can give 
no discount. 

Holden. I shall go elsewhere to trade. 

AL I can't help it. 

Holden. ])ear me ! I must save to huild my 
barn somehow. (After a pause.) Have you any 
sweet potatoes? 

AL Yes (calling attention to basket in front). 

Holden. Are these good, Al ? 

AL Yes. 

Holden. Have you tried them yourself? 
(Picks up several and examines them.) 

A L Yes. 

Holden (puts three or four in his pocket). 
Well, I '11 take these home and try them, and if 
thev 're all right, I '11 buy a small measure. 

(Exit Holden.) 

Sam. What do ye know about the trolley line. 
Buck? 

Buclc. Guess it 's goin' to be built, sure enough. 
Hear'd over to the county-seat last Saturday that 
they wasn't any doubt of it. 

Tom. They 's a lot o' men round about here 
gettin' right o' way and the like. Have they been 
to see you, Al? 



8 AL. martin's country store 

Al. Not yet. I guess they are taking the road 
just as it comes. They 're comin' this way from 
Jonesville. 

Sain. Do they pass your store, Al ? 

AL That 's the calcuktion. 

(Enter Mrs. Smith at door "G" and Mrs. BL^ke 
at door "F." Thev meet in front of counter at 
"A.") 

Mrs. Smith. Mornin', Mrs. Bhike. 

Mrs. Blahe. Mornin', Mrs. Smith. How be 
ye? 

Mrs. S. I 'm pretty peart like; how 's your- 
self? 

Mrs. B. Just tolerahle. I might ho all right, 
if I only had myself to think of. 

Mrs. S. How is Jonas now? 

Mrs. B. Oh, Jonas, he 's quite poorly. The 
poor man don't seem to git no better. He Just 
suffers dreadful. Yisterday afternoon it 'peafed 
like he was some better, an' we did think he might 
git on, but it didn't last; and by night he was 
jist as bad as ever. 

Mrs. S. Do you think it 's rumatiz ? 

Mrs. B. Oh, yes, it 's rumatiz. 'T ain't nuth- 
in' else. 

Mrs. S. Tlio't mebby it might be nuralgy. 
Now my cousin's wife's sister, she — 

Mrs. B. No, 't ain't nuralgy, 'cause it don't 
act that way. Anyways, he 's took everything they 
is fiir nuralgy. 

Mrs. S. (to Al). Gim me a cake of Fels Naphy 
Soap. 



AL. MARTIN'S COUNTRY STORE 9 

Mrs. B. Sakes alive ! do you use Fels Napliy ? 

Mrs. S. Yes. Don't you? 

Mrs. B. No, I don't. I tried it, and it does 
make the washin^ easy, but 1 think it makes the 
clotlies yaller; and I jist can't bear yaller clothes. 

Mrs. S. 1 can't neither. So after washing 'iiiii 
in Fels Naphy, I wrench 'em in "Twenty Mule 
Team Borax," and they 's as white as snow. 

Mrs. B. (to Al). Gim me a dime's worth of 
starch. (To Mrs. S.). As I was sayin', we tried 
everything they is for nuralgy, and it didn't do 
Jonas no good. So we concluded it was rumatiz. 

]\[rs. S. I heard tell of a new cure for rumatiz. 
I v/onder if you 've tried it. It 's wintergreen. 
Have you? 

Mrs. B. No; we haven't tried that. How do 
you use it ? 

Mrs. S. Jist drop a few drops on a lump of 
sugar, and let him swaller it down. They do say 
it acts wonderful. Mrs. Slocum, she told me her 
brother over at Cynthiany was cured with it, and 
I said right away, savs I, I 'ni goin' to tell Mrs. 
Blake that. 

Mrs. B. Well, I '11 try it, ef I can. You hain't 
got none have you? 

Mrs. S. What? Wintergreen? 

Mrs.B. Yes. 

Mrs. S. No, but it won't cost much — a nickel 
or so. 

Mrs. B. Yes, I know, but we tried so many 
things, and they all cost sumthin'. First we tried 
yelk of eggs and salt. Mrs. Somers she said that 



10 AL. martin's couxtry store 

cured her maPi, but it didn't do Jonas no good. 
Jim White, he said coal oil c-ured him, and he jist 
knew it would cure Jonas. We gave him three 
tablespoons full an hour till he jist couldn't 
swaller another drop. It jist gagged him awful. 

Afrs. S. I should think it would. 

Airs. B. Yes, an' it didn't do no good. Then 
we tried hoss liniment, and we used that until it 
took the skin all off; but the rumatiz stayed on. 
While the sliin was growin' on again, Jonas he 
tried carryin' an Irish pertater, an' takin' War- 
ner's Eust Proof Safe Cure. Bill Wells, he said' 
he had jist the worst case of rumatiz that ever 
was, and he didn't do nuthin' fur it but jist carry 
a pertater, an' it cured him and he stayed cured. 
But it didn't do Jonas no good. When Mandy 
Briggs' cousin was here from Boston, she was a 
Christian Science, you know. She wanted Jonas 
to try that. She said they wasn't no such thing as 
pain. Said he jist imagined his leg hurt, and for 
two dollars a time he could git absent treatment 
by a lady in Boston, an' he would learn to know 
his leg conlclnt hurt him. But Jonas, he said, he 
didn't care to pav two dollars fur the privilege of 
trying to imaofine his les^ didn't hurt. It was 
good deal easier to imasfine it did hurt, and lots 
cheaper. Jonas, he said it was a good 'eal like 
Bol:) Simmons' boy said faith was — beleven ye had 
a thins: when ye knew ye didn't. Was ye to church 
yisterday? 

Airs. S. Yes. I didn't see vou there. 



AL. martin's country STORE H 

Mrs. B. No. I couldn't leave Jonas. . Did ye 
have a eood ineetin' ? 

Mrs S. It was real good. The sermon was 
rioht interesthr. ,It was about lovm' yer neigh- 
Ixn-s as yerself. My, how he did give it to the peo- 
ple that are always talkin' about other people be- 
hind their backs, and as luck would have it Mrs 
DeWitt was there and heard it all. I could not 
help lookin' at her and thinkin' how she was a 
P-it in' hauled over the coals. I wou dn t a bin m 
her shoes fur nuthin'. I hope she '11 know better 
affer this. And land sakes, Mrs. Blake, I wish t 
ye could ha' seen the new hat she had on ihmk 
of a woman her age wearin' a hat! And a regu- 
lar girl's hat, at that! With big pmk roses on. 
It was ridiculas. 

Mrs.B. You don't say! 

Mrs S. 'T was. indeed. But it wasn t no 
woVse than Alvinv Perkins in her red silk. Ihmk 
If a woman as poor as you hiww Alvmy Perkms 
is a-wearin' red silk ! . . , t i 

Mr^ B Eed silk! Anvthm' red makes me 
think of Jonas's red flannels: He wears ^im from 
his neck clean to his toes, and the heaviest kind, 
too, all the vear 'round. Thento help that out 
we tried haVin' humhle-hees sting his knee It 
hurt dreadful, hut the rumatiz stayed on. I U try 
the wintergre'en, and if that f on't do no good, 
I 'm afraid after a while we '11 ]ist haf to call 

j^„ptor But I do hate to. It s so 

dreadful expensive. 



12 AL. martin's country store 

Mrs. S. 'T is so. Well, I mus' git to washin'. 
Good-by. 

Mrs. B. Good-by. Come over some time. 

Mrs. S. I will. You come down. 

Exeunt E. and L.) 

(Enter Eube llutcbins. Buck rises and greets 
him.) 

Buch (talks loud, very close to Rube's ear). 
Mornin', Paibe ! How are ye ? 

Ruhe. Can't complain. How 's everybody ? 

(All respond.) 

BucJv. Kube, 1 saw ye drivin' a three boss team 
tother day. That was a powerful fine boss ye had 
in the lead. Where 'd ye git him ? 

Ruhe. I 've had him fur some time. Got 
him when he was a colt. 

Bud'. Want to sell him ? 

RuJje. Xaw, Buck; I can't spai*' him. I need 
him fur the heavy loads. 

Buck. Did ye drive him in to-day? 

Rube. Yes. The team 's out thar. 

Bud'. Guess I '11 go take a look at him. 

(Exit.) 

Ruhe (to others). I 'm not asking Buck to 
buy no boss from me ; Ijut if he does it, he mustn't 
blame me. Buck sold me a boss once. Took ad- 
vantage of my bein' deaf. He sold me a boss that 
had the heaves. I never knew it till I got home, 
and was showin' him off to my wife. My, how 
purty he was, and how he could go ! But my wife, 
she sed you could hear him heave half a mile. I 
lost a hundred on him, but Buck better watch out. 



■ AL. MARTIN'S COUNTKY STOKE 13 

(Exit.) 

8am. That 's a good team to swap horses, I 
swan. Wonder who '11 come out ahead ! 

(Enter Buck.) 

Buck. My ! but that 's a beauty of a boss Eube 
has. He 'd be a dandy fur my business. I 'm 
goin' to have him if l^ube don't stick too close to 
him. (To Al at ''B.'') Gim me a plug of to- 
baccer, Al, an' I mus' git to business. 

(Exit.) 

Sam. Better be goin' myself, I guess. Want 
to gim me a lift to-day, Tom — raisin' a barn for 
Squire Holden ? Pay ye a dollar and a half. 

Tom. I 'm with ye. 

(Exeunt all except AL 'No one enters during 
the remainder of this scene but Marie.) 

(Enter Mario at door "H," in riding habit. 
Comes forward to her father at "A.") 
^ Al. Hello, hero ! What made you stay so long? 

Marie. pa ! I 've had such a time ! Do I 
look pale? 

Al. Palo! Why, yes; you do look a little 
l)loaohed. Sick? "^^liy what 's the matter with 
your dress? It 's all wot, and look at the dust— 

Marie. Well, Eibl)on throw mo ! 

Al. Threw you. T — 

Marie. But she couldn't hol]:> it. It was so 
funny! 

Al. Funny! Why, aren't you hurt? 

Marie. Yos. T 've lauo^hed so ! 

Al. Tell me all about it. 

Marie. There was a fine-looking youno^ man — 



14 AL. martin's country store 

Al What! 

Marie. Yes. lie was sitting on the fence out 
at the Ramsey farm, and all at once the fence 
gave way, and he turned somesaults backwards, 
and then rolled and tumbled down hill — 

AL Well— 

Marie. And Ribbon and I were just starting 
up hill, and it was enough to frighten any one 
the way he flew down there. 

Al 'Did she— 

Marie. Yes, she jerked back so quick, I went 
headforemost, — to the spring over in the woods, 
I guess, — at least I fainted, and when I came to, 
the young man was bathing my face with water 
and — 

Al. How's that? T tho't he fell off the fence. 

Marie. Well, that 's all I know. He didn't 
Avant me to ride Ril)bon again, but he don't know 
her, poor dear ! He seemed surprised to see her 
kneel while I mounted. She wouldn't have to if 
everybody were as gallant as he is! 

Al. Grallant? Hum! Something extraordin- 
ary, eh? Well, be careful about those fellows. 
They' re a rough lot. 

Marie. But, pa, this is the head surveyor — or 
some overseer on the proposed trolley line, and 
must be a real gentleman. 

Al. Well, pet, T can trust you; but — well, a 
stranger will bear watching. 

Marie, A11 right, pa. You watch him from 
yoTir side and 1 '11 do likewise, and then we '11 
compare notes. 



AL. martin's country STORE 15 

(Al retires to desk at "C") 

(Enter Anna and Bess. No transient customers 
to enter during remainder of this act.) 

Bess. Hello. 

Marie. Hello, there. 

An7ia. Hello, old girl. 

Bess. How did you ever manage it, anyway ^ 

Anna. Oh, it 's just her luck; but— 

Marie. Manage it? Luck? Why, what 's up? 

Bess. Perfectly innocent"! 

Anna. Doesn't know a thing, does she ! 

Marie. Well, you might explain ! 

Bess. We 'll'let you do that. But say, you 
were as graceful as a kitten! How long did you 
practice that fall? 

Anna. Didn't it hurt you? l^ly ! wo were so 
frightened. 

Marie (laughing). Oh, T thought no one saw 
me ; at least — 

Bess. Yes. you mean "only one"; hut we 
couldn't resist happening at the window just 
then! ^ ^ ^ ,^ 

Marie. Girls! now stop. You know 1 couidn t 

help it. I — ^^ . T 

A7ina. Say, he's great, isn't he? He carried 

YOU like you — 

Bess. Just like a pet doll ! 

Marie. Aw ! He didn't carry me ! 

Anna. He did, too. Oh, I guess you fainted, 
though, and mav he you didn't know it ! 

Bess, We were coming over to help straighten 



16 AL. martin's country store 

you up, but he made it appear entirely unneces- 
sary. 

Marie. I did wonder how I got over to the 
spring. I didn't remember of walking. 

Anna. Oh, he was equal to the occasion. 

Marie. But who is he, anyway? You talk as 
if he were one of the seven wonders of the age. 

Anna. He 's only Harold Hawley, the secre- 
tary of the trolley company — only a common 
millionaire, or something like that. 

Marie. Dear me ! 

Bess. Say, Marie, you '11 give us a house party, 
won't you ? 

Marie. Mercy, girls ! Do hush ! N"ow don't 
you say a word about my fall to anybody, and I '11 
not, and the whole thing will drop right here. 

Anna. Drop! Oh, no! We '11 take care of 
that ! He 's just the one to take Mr. Padretti's 
place. Now, you know, Marie, you don't like him, 
and he 's such an improvement on Padretti. It '11 
make all the boys hurry a little, and liven things 
up. 

Marie. He 's certainly nicer than Padretti. 1 
can't tolerate him. 

Anna. We '11 see ! (Starting out.) Good-day. 

Bess. Good-by. 

Marie. Don't be in a hurry. 

Bess. Oh, we just wanted to know if you were 
hurt. 

(Enter Jim, running.) 

Jim.. Mistah Mahtin ! — wha 's Mistah Mahtin ? 

Al. Plere. (Coming forward.) 



AL. martin's country STORE 17 

Ji7n. Gimme a l)Ottle of Newmonia and a can 
of consecrated lye — quick! 

AL What 's the rush? 

Jim. Dad's fell in the soap grease bar'l, an' 
mother 's gwine to scrub him so 's not to waste 
the grease. (Runs for door.) 

(Curtain.) 



ACT II. Afternoon, a few days later. Present : 
Al Marti]], Sain Johnson, Xed, Jerry, iMai-ic, 
and others as desired. N^umeroiis customers 
come and go, call for mail, etc. 

(Enter Gns Piisley.) 

Gus I" speaks with a drawl). What ti]ne is it, 
Al? 

A I (looking at watch). One o'clock. 

Gus (walks to post-ofhce). What time does the 
mail close, Marie? 

Marie. Half-past two. 

Gus. Give me a postal card. (Takes card.) 
Will I have time to write this before the mail 
closes ? 

Marie (smiling). You might try. 

Gus. What time did you say it was ? 

Al. One o'clock. 

Gus. An' what time does the mail close ? 

Marie. Half -past two. 

Gus. Y\fe\], I guess I '11 have time. 

Sam. Gee, whiz, Gus, vou want a lot thrown in 



18 AL. martin's country store 

with a postal card. Why don't you ask him to 
furnish a card already written for you? 

Xed. Don't believe you can get it done, Gus. 
Better not try: you might get overheated. 

Jerry. Better go see her, Gus. You kin do it 
in less time. 

Gus. 'T ain't a lier. My girl lives here. 
(Looks admiringly at Marie.) Dont believe I 
would have time, anyway. ( Returning card to 
Marie.) Give mo back my cent, will you? 
(Takes money, and after hanging around Marie 
a while, joins others about the stove.) 

(Enter ]\rrs. Hawkins, door "F.") 

Mrs. Ilaivlius (to Al). I would like a spool of 
No. 50 White Thread. 

(Enter Miss Simmons, door "G.") 

Miss Simmons. Why, good afternoon, Mrs. 
Hawkins ! 

Mrs. H. Why, how do ye do ? I 'm real glad to 
see you. 

Miss S. Isn't it dreadful warm? 

Mrs. 11. Dreadful ! 

Miss S. Seems to me it hasn't been so warm 
since that summer Lucy Hopkins was married. 

Mrs. II. Just what I was a-thinkin' ! 

Miss 8. An' it dusty, too. Just as it was then. 

Mrs. II. Yes, it was dre'dful dusty then. I 
got my black silk so full of dust, it was nigh 
about ruined. 

Miss S. An' I was dre'dful afraid I had sp'iled 
mine. 



AL. MAHTIN's country STOKE 19 

3[rs. II. I got the dnst off mine with a piece of 
old velvet bunnet. 

Mias S. It 's better than anything else to take 
the dust off of black silk. 

Mrs. II. Yes, 't is. 

Miss S. I saw Mrs. Dunn as I was comin' past. 

Mrs. II. I saw her yisterday even in'. 

Miss S. 1 tlio't she looked kinder weary. 

Mrs. II. She did when I. saw her. An' she 
coughed some. She seemed real miserable. 

Miss S. It 's funny she took consumption. 

Mrs. II. Yes, 't is" so. 

Miss S. I s'pose she 's jist the kind to. 

Mi^s. II. I s'pose so. 

Miss S. It 's too hot to sew to-day. 

M7-S. II. Yes, 't is. 

Miss 8. Are you goin' up to the meetin' ? 

Mrs. II. Yes, I was. 

Miss S. 1 'II walk up with you. 

Mrs. II. I s'])ose there won't be many there, 
it 's so hot. 

Miss S. Yes, I s'])ose so. 

Mrs. II. It 's queer people stay 'way from 
meetin' on account of weather. 

Miss S. Yes, 't is so. 

Mrs. II. Well, I guess we 'd better be goin'. 

Miss 8. Yes, I s'nose we had. " 

(Exit, door "G-.") 

(Enter Si ^^ewcomb, door "F.") 

8i (to attract attention). Hem-a-hem ! (Acts 
very pompously.) 

Jerry. Look at the show ! 



20 AL. martin's country store 

Ned. Where did he git them clothes? 

Sam. Sakes alive, Si, what 's up that you -'re 
puttin' on so much style? Whose clothes ye got 
on, anyhow? 

Si. Oh, these are not my clothes ! Oh, no ! 
(Shows them off.) They belong to Mabley. 
(Local dealer's name may be substituted.) I 
rented them to go to the wedding last night. The 
time isn't up until to-night, and you bet I ain't 
going to take them off as long as they 're paid for. 

Sam. Whose wedding ? 

Si. My second cousin — John N"ewcomb; his 
daiighter Alice. She married a young fellow- 
named Chester. You see, it wag this way : Tliey 
wrote me an invitation — ^}Ts, they did! Got it 
here in my pocket. (Takes out invitation, which 
is in two envelopes, and then wrapped in paper. 
Unwraps very carefully.) I '11 read it to you. 
(Reads.) Mr. and Mrs. John Xewcomb request 
your 'presence at the marriage of their daughter 
Alice, to Montague Van Rensselar Chester, Thurs- 
day evening, April ilfth, at six o'clock. (Date 
may be changed to suit time of year.) That 's the 
way it reads. Xo name signed, but it was directed 
to me, on both envelopes. They put two on to 
make sure that I 'd get it; but that wasn't neces- 
sary, for the outside one wasn't torn a bit ! I 
tell you, the fellow that Wrote that was a fine pen- 
man. (Gazes at it admiringly.) There isn't a 
blot nor a misspelled word in the whole letter. 
(Tveplaces invitation in envelopes, wraps in pa- 
per, and places in pocket.) Just as soon as I got 



STORE 21 

this, I knew my clothes weren't good enough for 
that big wedding, and I went down town and 
asked the tailor what he 'd charge for a suit. He 
said: ''I '11 tell you what I '11 do. I '11 make 
you a fine suit for sixty dollars/' I said, "I just 
p-uess you wont!" And I went to ]\Iabley's and 
rented this 'for two-fifty. I have to give 'urn up 
to-night, but I 'm goin' to wear them around all 
day. After I fixed it about the clothes, I went 
over to Blank's jewelry shop to see about getting 
something for a wedding gift, for you know they 
requested that right in the letter. Yes, they did ! 
It said, "Eequest your presence !" So I wasirt 
going without anvthing, and I went to BlanK s 
and asked Mr. Blank to show me some nice wed- 
ding gifts. He did. He showed me a whole case 
full, and I hardly knew what to take. But I 
finally decided on one. It was a castor. Oh, I 
tell you, it was a daisy! Silver stand, with green 
i^lass bottles for vinegar and such things. He had 
two kinds, one at one seventy-nine, the other at 
two nineteen. I wanted to do the right thing, so 
I paid two nineteen. Then Mr. Blank wanted to 
do the thing up and send it by express, said that 
wa s the proper way, but I said : "No siree ! i m 
croing, andl'U just ^aA'eit";andIdid! 
' The invitation said to be there at six o clock, 
but the bus arrived at four, and I went right up. 
Got there ^ood and early. They weren t ready 
yet, and I wanted to help them; but they insisted 
I should just go in the parlor and sit down, and 
so I did!' I saw all the folks come, and then the 



22 AL. martin's country store 

wedding came off. My! but it was swell. Then 
everybody went up and congratulated them, and 
I did, too. I told them I hoped they 'd never re- 
gret it. I saw everybody said something like that. 
Then we had supper. My, oh, my, what a supper ! 
Wlien I saw the table, I made up my mind I \1 go 
the whole thing, even if it cost a dollar ! But the 
waiter told me it was all free. Cousin John paid 
for it. It must have cost a heap. I can't begin 
to tell you what they had to eat. They had pink 
and blue ice-cream in slices, and cake and chicken 
chopped up with yellow gravy on it, and ever so 
many things I never heard of. Eight in the mid- 
dle of the tal)le they liad a big flower-bod, with all 
kinds of blooming flowers growing. I tried to eat 
some of everything they passed, but long l)efore 
they got through, I was too full to take another 
bite. I tell you, I was sorry to see the things 
pass ! There was a woman sitting beside me that 
kept talking to me all the time. She 1)othered me, 
and finally I just told her I didn't have time to 
talk ; that I wanted to eat. I told her I 'd talk 
after we got through, if she wanted to. And you 
should have seen the presents ! They had all of 
them spread out on a big table as long as that 
counter. My, but there were a lot of fine things. 
I was afraid my castor wouldn't be seen amongst 
so many things, but it was. I saw ever so many 
pointing at it, and talking about it. They had 
dozens of knives and forks and spoons and silver- 
ware of all kinds, and dishes and tumblers and 



AL. MARTIN'S COUNTRY STORE 23 

diamonds and other things in cut glass. Vv'ell, I 
cim't talk longer. 1 must be going." 

(Exit, door "G.") (Exit Marie at door ''II.") 

Sam, That sort of lark just suits Si. 

Ned. He certainly enjoys the clothes. 

(Enter Squire Holden.) 

Ilolden. How do you sell peaches, Al? 

AL Ten cents a basket. 

Holden. Ten cents ! Gracious ! Two baskets 
for fifteen cents ? 

Al. No. 

Holden. Al, I think you might sell me two 
baskets for fifteen. One isn't enough for my fam- 
ily of eight, and twenty cents is too much to pay 
for a meal. 

Al. Can't do it. Squire. 

Ilolden. I think you are unreasonable. 

(Exit Holden.) 

(An automohile horn is heard outside — "R.") 

Jerry. Hello, what 's turned loose? Sounds 
like Hicks' thrashin' engine. 

Ned. 'T ain't time fur thrashin' machines ! 

Jerry (looking out window). Well, look a- 
comin' ! 

Ned (looking out window). Goes like mad! 

Sam (at the door ''F"). Stoppin' right here, 
too. 

Jerry (starting out door "F"). I 'm goin' to 
see it. 

(Ned, Sam, and Gus follow.) 

(Enter Eohert Corey and Harold Hawley.) 

Corey (to Al). Cremo cigars, please. 



24 AL. ^[AKT]X S COUXTKY STORE 

Al. Haven't any of that kind. 

Corey. 'Xleorge W. Childs" will do very nicely. 

Al. None of those, either! We have a fine lot 
of stogies. 

Corey. Can you order a couple boxes of 
"Cremos" for me ? 

Al. Yes, if I can find them. Where can I get 
them ? 

Corey. Any first-class cigar or grocery store. 
Peebles has them. 

Al. Do you Avant them delivered? 

Corey. No. We will call for them. My name 
is Corey, and this is Mr. Harold Hawlcy. We arc 
interested in the Interurban Trolley Company. 
Mr. Hawdey is the secretary. All of the com- 
pany' mail is to be delivered to him. You are the 
postmaster, are you not? (Al nods.) Is express 
matter brought here from Center City? 

Al. It 's brought by hack. 

Corey. Whatever comes, Mr. Hawley will re- 
ceipt for. I am the president, and will give you 
a signed order if you desire. 

Al. I guess it 's not necessary. 
• Corey. Have you some Apollinaris Water ? 

Al. Never heard of it. 

Corey. Cherry phosphate? 

Al. We have cherry jelly and canned cherries." 

Corey. Wliat can you give us to 'drink? 

Al. I don't keep anything; but there 's some 
buttermilk in the house. 

Corey. Iced ? 

Al. Don't need ice. It 's been hanging in the 



AL. martin's country STORE 25 

well, and is as cool as a disappointed politician. 
I. ai get it. 

(Exit Al, door "H." Eetnrning instantly with 
pitcher, followed by Marie.) 

Al Marie, this is Mr. Corey and Mr. Hawley. 
Thev are interested in the trolley line. Mr. Corey 
has left orders for all the trolley mail to be deliv- 
ered to Mr. Ilawley. 

(As Al begins speaking, Marie bows to Mr. 
Corey, and she and Hawley recognize each other, 
and appear pleased.) 

Haivley. Glad to see you looking so well to- 
day. 

Marie. Thank yon. Yon do not appear to be 
nnder a doctor's care, either. Father, this is the 
gentleman who rescued me the morning Eibbon 
threw me. 

Al. Is that so? Glad to have an opportunity 
to thank you for your kindness to my daughter. 

Corey. " So this is the young lady you were tell- 
ing me about. I 'm glad to make your acquaint- 
ance, Miss ]\Iartin. That was a thrilling episode, 
according to Mr. Hawley's version of it. 

Ilawley. My fall was quite thrilling, I am 
sure. I am very glad my awkwardness did not 
result more seriously. 

Marie. I am sure you couldn't help the fence 
giving way, but I was puzzled to know where you 
would land. 

Corey. He seems to have landed in the right 
place. ' (Setting down the glass.) Haven't had a 
drink of buttermilk to equal that in five years. I 



26 AL. martin's country store 

was raised on a farm, and know when I strike a 
good article. What is the bill ? 

Al. Nothing at all. 

Corey (surprised). Xothing? Why, I 'm sure 
we want to pay for it. It was excellent. 

Al. I wouldn't think of charging a man for a 
drink of buttermilk. 

Corey. We certainly will remember your kind- 
ness. We will be glad to throw our patronage your 
way, and when the trolley is completed, your fam- 
ily shall be a part of the inspection party on the 
first tour. 

Al. Thank you very much. 

(Corey and Hawley exeunt, with proper cour- 
tesies.) 

(Eeenter Sam, Jerry, and Ned.) 

Sam. First autermobile I ever saw. Gee ! I 'd 
like to ride in one. 

Jerry. Beats a bike all to pieces. 

Ned. I saw one when the circus was at the 
county-seat ; but it wasn't up to this one. What 'd 
they want, Al ? 

Al. Lots of things I never heard of. Fine 
cigars and fancy waters. But what do you think 
they took? 

Ned. What? 

Al. Buttermilk! 

Jerry (surprised). Buttermilk! 

Ned (disgusted). Buttermilk! 

Al. They said it was the best thing they had 
liad for vears. 



AL. martin's country STORE 27 

Sam. Buttermilk! (With contempt.) Weal- 
ways feed it to the pigs. 

Jerry. I leave on that! (All start for doors.) 

(Curtain.) 

ACT III. Several afternoonR later. Present: 
Al, Sam, Jerry, Gus, Ned, and Marie. 

(Enter Kube and Buck talking, door "G.") 

Buch. You say he 's a good worker. Rube? 

Ruhe. Ye see the loads he 's helpin' pull, don't 
ye. Buck? 

Bud-. I s'pose he 'd be a handy boss m my 
business. 

Ruhc. Well, Buck, that boss ought to pull a 
thousand brick, easy. 

Buck. I '11 give you a hundred for him, Kul)e. 

(Enter Padretti, who goes to the post-office for 
mail and talks admiringly to Marie for a while. 
Marie does not enjoy his attention.) 

Ruhe. Naw, Buck ; he 's wutli lots mor 'n that. 
I guess I '11 jist keep him. 

Bud: Tell you what I '11 do. Ef ye let me 
have 'im right away, I '11 make it a hundred and 

fiftv. 

Ruhe. Buck, I ain't anxious to sell you that 
boss; but if ve want him real bad, just to 'com- 
modate vou, i '11 let ye have 'im fur one seventy- 
five That 's a misfhtv little price. 

^ Bud. I '11 split'the difference. Make it sixty- 
five. 



28 AL. martin's country store 

Riibe. l^aw; nuthin' less 'iin one seventy-five. 

Buck. Well, 1 guess I '11 take him, an' I ^11 pay 
ye right now. (Counts out money.) Can I have 
him right away ? 

Eube. I '11 go with ye right now, and you can 
take him. 

(Exit Rube and Buck.) 

^am. Buck has bought Rube's boss at last! 
Wonder if he '11 be satisfied with him. 

Ned. He 's a mighty purty boss, an' looks like 
he 'd be all right for Buck's business. 

8am. Can't allers tell a boss by his looks, ner 
by what his owner says. It 's with a boss like it is 
with a man — Jie 's seldom as good as his wife tells 
her neighbors he is, ner as bad as she tells him he 
is. 

Gus. Xed, I don't see ye ridin' your bicycle 
very much any more. What the matter? 

Ned. Oh, the novelty 's worn off. 

Gus. Can't ye have it nut on again ? 

(Enter Holden.) 

Holden. Al, will you give me a few tacks? 

AL Give you some tacks ! I '11 sell you a 
whole paper for five cents. 

Holden. Haven't you a broken paper? I only 
want a few. 

Al. Fo ; I haven't. 

Holden. Couldn't you take a few out of three 
or four papers and give me — ^two dozen will be 
enough. 

Al I can't do that. 



29 



U olden. I think yon might to accommodate a 
good customer. 

Al. I don't see it that way. 

H olden. You are unreasonable. How do you 
sell strawberries? 

Al. Twelve and a half. 

Tlolden. Twelve and a half ! Gracious ! 

Al. Do you want any ? 

Ilolden. No. They are too outrageously high. 
1 don't care for them, anyway. They spoil my 
taste for prunes. 

(Exit.) 

Jerry. Got any garden seeds, Al ? 

Al. Yes. Eight here. (Goes to counter at 

Ned. ^'What you sow you shall also reap" 
doesn't apply to the pictures on the seed packages, 
Jerry. 

Sam. Speakin' of seeds reminds me of what 
the preacher says, "You can raise a fine crop of 
trouble from the seeds of discontent." 

Jerry. And that reminds me that when a "get- 
rich-quick" syndicate cuts a . watermelon, the 
members get the seeds. 

Sam. And the seeds won't grow, which teaches 
that tlie only way of getting anything that 's 
worth having is the old-fashioned way of working 
for it. 

Ned. Marie, is the afternoon mail in yet? 

Marie. Yes. 

Ned. Did Sim Freeman's county paper come ? 

(May give name of local newspaper.) 



30 AL. martin's country store 

Marie. Yes. 

Ned (walks to post-office). Lend it to us to 
read. (Marie takes paper from one of the boxes 
and give to Xed.) Here, Sam, read to us. (Re- 
turning to group.) 

Sam. ^o> let Jerry. 

Jerry. I can't read in the day-time; I go to 
night school. You do it, Ned. 

Ned. I ain't much of a reader, but I guess I 
can spell it out. (Opens paper and reads very 
slowly and poorly. The merriment of this read- 
ing will be greatly increased if local names are 
substituted for those given here. Local events 
may also be added. Comments may be made by 
the listeners.) 

Al. Before you begin to read, let Marie recite 
a little poem on the country paper she found not 
long ago. It will be appropriate. 

Marie. Oh, no. 

All. Yes, Do, Please, etc. 

Marie (comes to front and recites) : 

When the cvenin' sun is fallin at the endin' o' the 
day. 

An' a feller rests from lal)or smokin' at his pipe 
o' clay, 

There 's nothin' does liiui so much good, be for- 
tune up or down. 

As the little country paper from his ol' home town. 

It ain't a thing o' beauty, an' its print aint always 
clean. 



AL. MARTINIS COUNTRY STORE 31 

But it straightens out his temper when a feller ^s 

feelin' mean; 
It takes the wrinkles off his face and brushes off 

the frown, 
That little country paper from his ol' home towm. 

It tells of all the parties an' balls of Pum'kin 

Row, 
'Bout who spent Sunday with whose girl, an how 

the crops '11 grow. 
An' it keeps a feller posted 'bout who 's up an*" 

who is down, 
That little country paper from his ol' home town. 

Now, I like to read the dailies an' the story pa- 
pers, too, 

An' at times the yaller novels an' some other 
trash — don't you ? 

But when I want some readin' that '11 brush away 
a frown, 

I want that little paper from my ol' home town. 

Ned. First class. 

Gm. You done that splendid, Marie. 

Sam. That 's just as true as preachin'. 

Ned. Now for the paper. Let 's see what the 
news from our corner is. (Reads.) 

The people of this neighborhood are about all 
over the mumps, except Fred Franz. While he 
is from another neighborhood, he is over here so 
much that we consider him one of us. 

Some of these visiting gentlemen who come 
here on Sundays to see our girls are not as wel- 



32' AL. maiitin's country store 

come visitors witlrsoine of our boys as they might 
be. 

Mr. Roman Frazier has built him a house on 
Neil Avenue, and moved into it, and is ready for 
a job of building cisterns, laying brick, or any- 
thing of that sort. 

]Mr. , who was bitten by a copperhead 

a week ago does not improve as he should. It l)it 
him on the thumb while he was fooling round in 
tlio chicken coop. He drank two pints aud a lialf 
of whisky that night, or he would have died. 

Mabel Austin stayed out Avith May Armstrong 
Monday night. 

Miss Julia Hickey is now an accomplished per- 
former on the piano, and would ])rove an orna- 
ment to a rich man's home, for in addition to her 
musical talent, she is a numl)er one housekeeper 
and an up-to-date cook. She is able to sew and 
mend. Such girls are in demand nowadays. 

Joe and Tom were up to 

Pomeroy with a pair of good-looking girls. 

Andrew Hollis and his brother Mart found new 
partners coming home from church last Sunday. 

Jim Coogan fell out of a canoe, but, as he 
needed a bath, no damage and much good re- 
sulted. 

We understand that Hiram Knight's gate was 
l)roken off the hinges the other night. Some 
heavyweight must have walked home with Miss 
]\Iyrtle. 

Mary had a little lamb; it followed her to 
church, and stood around the door, like an owl 



AL. martin's country STORE 33 

upon its perch. Why don't the little lamb come 
in, the watchful people cried? Why, Mary told 
the sill}^ thing to wait for her outside. So you 
each, gentle maiden, may one and all still find 
some sheephead waiting near the door, if you ad- 
mire that kind. 

We wish to correct a mistake concerning Mrs. 
Barnhill. Her funeral was preached at the 
church here, instead of Mr. Smith's. 

The lost hog of Nathan Smith that has been 
missing for about two weeks returned home re- 
cently. 

Eaymond and Chester Green are the proud pos- 
sessors of a new buggy, ^ow, girls ! 

Alice Walters and her daughter helped Susan 
Henderson clean house Friday afternoon. 

Mrs. Bills was making a shirt for her husband 
l^aursday. 

Kettie Weaver sewed the first of the week for 
John Hinshaw. 

FOR SALE CHEAP.— A good set of false 
teeth. The former owner has no use for them as 
he recently died. Inquire of Mrs. John Brown. 

Sam Johnson and Tom Briggs put an archway 
between the reception and sitting rooms for Al 
Martin, last week. Every one who sees it says, 
"It 's so nice." Sam and Tom wouldn't leave it 
any other way, I 'm sure. 

Jernj. Hello, Sam. Gone to 'advertising? 

I^am.. Honest, I didn't know that was goin' to 
be put in there. Let me see it. (Takes paper and 
looks at it. Then hands it back.) 



34 AL. MARTIX'S COUNTRY STORE 

Jerry. It 's a mighty interesting paper this 
week. 

Ned (reads) : 

OHIO STILL AHEAD.— A friend of ours says 
that the early Ohio potatoes grow so large in Mis- 
souri that they crack the ground, and the chick- 
ens get down in the crevices to eat the potatoes, 
and they have to use a dip-net to get them out to 
roost. Glad to hear it. The average up here this 
year would do to load an old-fashioned shotgun 
without peeling. 

PERPLEXED.— Two bachelors met near us 
and saluted thush^, "How de do, Lee?" The 
other said, "How de do, Jim?" Then Lee said, 
"Jim, d' you know where I could get a couple of 
good boys to cut weeds in my corn ?" "Why don't 
you raise 'em ?" said Jim. "Well," said Lee, "that 
won't do, for before I could do that the weeds 
would take the corn I" 

"Thoughtful and gloomy they parted. 
And both seemed to be down-hearted." 

We have no mocking-birds in this vicinity, but 
we have a IMartin that sings so sweetly near the 
post-olhce that it seems to be attracting the atten- 
tion of a certain young man nightly. 

Jerry. Hi! That 's Marie ! 

(Marie disappears ])chind the post-office boxes.) 

Sam. Advertisin' you, too, are they, Marie? 
Well, I wouldn't care. Who 's the lucky feller? 
(Gus winks and motions to himself as being the 
one.) 

Ned. Think she 's going to tell you? 



AL. martin's country STORE 



35 



Jerry. I saw 'urn last Sunday night. It 's 

\a ffun is discharged outside, and there is the 
sound of a yelping dog. All except Al and Mane 
lump up and run out door "F/') 

(Exit Al, door "PL") .^ ^.^ , 

Enter Hawlev, door "G," with a quantity ot 
mail to post. No others to enter during the re- 
mainder of this act.) 

Hawley. Good afternoon, Miss Mane? How 
are you to-day? , ^^ 

Marie. Quite well, thank you ! How have you 
heen since last night? , . ,. . -. ^f 

Hawley. Lonesome! I 'm m time for the at- 
ternoon mail, am I not ? ( Hands mail to Mane. ) 
Marie. In o;ood time. (Takes quantity ot maii 
from one of the hoxes, which she hands to Hawley, 
then comes from hehind counter and walks slow- 
ly with him to door "F," standing there until con- 
versation is finished.) , 1 -1 .-U-. 
Ilaiuley. Shall we have a horsehack nde this 
evening ? 

Marie. I will he delighted. ^ 

JIawley. Or would you rather go m the auto- 
mobile tins afternoon and have an early morning 
gallop ? 

Marie Yes ; I 'd like that better. 
(Padretti appears at door "G," unobserved by 
Marie and Hawley. Stands watching and listen- 
in f? to conversation.) 

Hawley. Shall we ask some of the others to go ? 
Marie^ I 'U speak to Annie and Bess. I don t 



36 AL. martin's country store 

know whether they can. What did you think of 
the tennis game yesterday ? 

Hawley. It was quite exciting. I made a poor 
out of it, but you played so handsomely we won 
easily. 

Marie. The idea ! I never saw such a skill- 
ful player, and you would give me all the credit. 

Baioley. Have you read any of the book I 
brought you, or — ^no, I don't suppose you 've had 
a moment's time. 

Marie. I have, though, and I think it splen- 
did ! Isn't Jack a fine character ? I 'm so 
anxious to know how it terminates. But you 
mustn't tell me! Isn't it strange how people in 
books misunderstand each other. 

Ilaiulcy. And spend a miserable life when just 
a word would set everything right. I 'm glad 
we 're not "book" people, aren't you ? 

Marie (shyly). Um hum! Oh, did the films 
come ? 

Ilawley. Yes. We '11 snap that old mill this 
afternoon. Is there anything elVe of interest 
about here that we have missed? . 

Marie. I don't believe there is. 

Ilawley (leaving). Well, think hard, and tell 
me later! (Exit.) 

Padretti (aside). That confounded usurper 
will defeat all my plans. If I can't beat him by 
fair means, I '11 resort to foul. He shan't have 
that girl. I '11 fix him ! (Shows passion.) 

(Exit, door "G.") 



AL. martin's country STORE 37 

(Enter Ned, Sam, and Jerry, door "F." Al at 
door "H.") 

Ned. Humph ! He knows just when to come, 
don't he ? 

Jerry. And when* to go, too, it seems. 

Ned. I 'd like to be a cracker barrel when he 's 
in here. 

Jerry. Oh, you 'd only be set down on ! 

Sam. Don't pay any attention to 'em, Marie. 
Whenever you know he 's coming, just tell me, 
and I '11 have a dog fight outside, and the boys '11 
all leave like they did to-day. 

Marie (smiling). Thank you, Mr. Johnson. 

(Enter Mancly Spriggs, running.) 

Mandy (to audience). Is the doctor here? 
(Local doctor's name may be used, if desired.) 
Oar cow 's swallered a croquet ball, and we 're 
afraid she '11 have appendicitus. 

(Curtain.) 

ACT IV. A week later. Present: Al, Buck, 
Sam, Jerry, l^ed, Marie. 

(Enter Jim, running.) 

Jim. Oimme five cents' worth bluin, right 
awav quick ! 

All. What 's the hurry? This isn't Monday. 

Jim (speaks very rapidly; makes profuse mo- 
tions, etc.). Dat 's correc', sa ! But it 's des is 
way : Yer sees, ma, she 's mos' dreiful sick ! Yes, 
sa f Her eyes, cley jes roll and roll 'roun', and she 



38 AL. martin's country store 

moans jes' like dat ghos' up at de house wliar' 
Beckie Smithers was tuk off ! My Ian' sakes, man, 
ain't yer goin' ter git dat, right dis minit? (Sees 
Al weigliing it.) Oh, ye didn' need bodder doin' 
nat ! Dat bigges' hunk '11 be miff. As I was 
sayin', she jes rolls her eyes — 

Al. She don't want this for her eyes, does she? 

Jim. Not dat way 't all ; but jes' you hurry like 
a cyclone ! De docta, he say she mus' do it jes' 
right away! Quid-! 

Al. Why she can't use it if she is so sick ! 

Jim. But I reckon dey '11 git tir'd fannin' her 
so long, and she might not las' till she gits de 
bluin'. 

AL Wh}^, what 's she going to do with it? 

Jim,. Oh, de 'stressines' ting 'bout it is her 
stommick. Yes, sir ! and de docta, he sez the only 
ting dat '11 do any g'ood is to diet. 

(Takes package and rushes out.) 

(Enter Eube at door "F." When he begins talk- 
ing, Gus appears at door and motions to attract 
Marie's attention. lie continues to make violent 
gestures, and Marie finally walks down to the 
door, arriving at the conclusion of Buck and 
Rube's conversation.) 

Ruhe. Ilowde, folks ! (All respond.) Gimme 
five pounds o' ten penny nails, Al. 

Buck (coming close to Eube). Rube, ye rather 
soaked me on that boss, don't ye think ? 

Ruhe. Naw; I guess I didn't Buck. 

Buclv. Didn't you say he 'd pull a thousand 
brick ? 



STORE 39 

Ruhe. I snid he \1 orter. Have ye tried him? 

Buck. Tried ^im ! I hitched 'im to a light 
wagon, threw in live hundred brick, an' he 
wouldn't budge it ! Couldn't make 'im, any way ! 
I ])egan to throw out ])rick, and threw out almost 
all of them l)efore he 'ud start. He wouldn't pull 
nil thin' ! 

Buhe. Aw, now Buck, that boss 's smarter 'an 
you are ! He knew ye only had five hundred brick 
in there, an' he was waitin' fer ye to put in the 
other five hundred ! 

(The loafers laugh.) 

Buck. I don't think it was a fair deal, any- 
how. 

Jluhe. Say, Buck, lie liasnt got the heaves, 
has he? 

(Buck leaves in disgust. Eube finishes busi- 
ness.) 

Marie. What in the world is the matter with 
you, Gus? 

Gus. I jist wanted to give you this ! (Ador- 
ingly.) Now you eat every bite of it all yourself. 
(Hands her a big apple or orange.) 

Marie (smiling). Oh, thank you! That 's a 
beauty ! 

Gus (delighted). I got it jus' for you, Marie! 

Marie. You 're ever so kind. Good-by. 

(Exit Marie, door "H.") 

(Exit Gus, door "F.") 

(Enter Padretti, door "G." He waits at end 
of counter for Al to come forward.) 



40 AL. MAirriN S country 8T0RE 

Padreiti. May I have a word in confidence 
witli you, Mr. Martin ? 

AL Certainly. 

Padretti. What I have to say is for you only. 
I do not want it repeated. 

Al. I '11 remember your request. 

Padretti. It is in reference to young Hawlcy. 
I see he is very attentive to your daughter. I 
think it my duty to inform you that he is not a 
proper person for her to associate with. I know 
whereo/ I speak. He is not what he represents 
himself to be. 

Al. Why, is it possilde ! 

Padretti. It 's but the truth, sir! It is not 
necessary to state where it took place; in fact, 1 
need not enter into details at all. It was as base 
as it was appalling! But, my dear sir, it is dis- 
tressing for one to stand aside and allow an in- 
nocent girl to be duped ! You will understand 
why I speak to you in confidence. 

Al. Do you know these things to be true ? 

Padretti. I do. Only too true ! 

Al. Of your personal knowledge? 

Padretti. Of my personal knowledge. 

Al. I am very sorry to hear it. 

Padretti. You will not betray my confidence? 

Al. No; it 's not necessary. But I am very 
much distressed. 

Padretti. Good-day sir. (Exit door "G.") 

Al (aside). This is terrible. I have no reason 
to doubt the man's word. I shall have to ask 
Marie to dismiss him. It is sad, and bad ! 



AL. martin's COUXTRY STORE 41 

(Enter Mandy.) 

Ned. Hello, ]\randv. How 3'ou comin'? 

Mandy. Forked end down. 

Ned. Gee! What 's up? 

Mandy. ^ly head. 

Ned. Golly I You 're sassy to-day. What you 
been takin' ? 

Mandy. Love drops. 

Ned. What fur ? 

Mandy. ' So 's I kin charm my feller. 

Ned. Who 's yer feller? 

Mandy. Jerry. 

Jerry. I hain't, neither. 

Mandy. Yes, y' are, loo. Yer said so yesself. 

Jerry. I never. That ain't so ! 

Mandy. Yes, 't is, and yer gave me a stick er 
j^eppermint candy. 

Jerry. I didnt. I wouldn't have no sich er gal 
as you. 

Mandy. I know it, 'cause I gave yer the 
l)Ounce. That 's what yer mad about. 

Jerry. Xo, yer didn't, neither. 

Mandy. Did, too. Xow I got a dandy feller. 
He 's twice as good as you. He gives me a hull 
sack full er candy at a pop. His face ain't in- 
growin'. Dad said when 3^ou was my feller I had 
lots more taste at the table than I had pickin' fel- 
lers. Watch fur my new beau, Jerry. 

(iMandv runs out.) 

(Enter Ealph Miller.) 

Sam. Good-day, schoolmaster; what 's the 
word ? 



42 AL. MARTIX'S COUNTRY STORE 

Ralph. Nothing of importance, I believe 
Everything is quiet in my line. 

Jerri/. A schoolmaster is supposed to kno^^ 
everything. Let me ask you a question. Can a 
sardine box? 

Ualpli. Xo, but a tomato can. 

Jerry. Did you ever see a ship spar ? 

Ralph. A"o, but T 've seen a rail fence, a ginger 
snap, a cracker box, the sausage roll, a bed 
spring, — 

Sani. And the night fall ! 

Ned. One of the funniest things was to see the 
sugar bowl. 

Jerry. Funnier than that was to see the milk 
shake and the apple turnover. 

Sam. Aw, stop ! Schoolmaster,' wot 's the 
word about the trolley. 

Ralph. They 're building this way rapidly. 
From the schoolhouse you can see them over on 
Eamsey's hill. 

Ned. They make a big cut there. 

Ralph. Thirty feet deep, I believe. 

Sam. Fellers, I ain't much given to talkin' 
about things I don't know about, but I 've hear'd 
some bad tales about that young -Hawley that 's 
runnin' the trolley. Have any of you heard it? 

Ralph. I heard some very disparaging reports 
to the effect that he is not the angel he represents 
himself to be. 

Sam. You hear'd an3^thing, Jerry? 

Jerry. Yes. 

Sam.. You, N'ed ? 



1 



AL. martin's country STORE 43 

Ned. Sure. Heard it last week. He 's a bird, 
he is. 

Balph. His name is Harold Hawley, isn't it? 
The same name of the man that made himself 
famous by heroic deeds in South Africa. Singu- 
lar that the names should be the same. 

Ned. Mebby this feller appropriated that name 
on purpose. 

Ralph. Perhaps he did. 

Sam. Well, it 's too bad. I 'm allers sorry to 
hear evil reports a1)0ut anybody. Schoolmaster, 
tell us a story. 

Balph. I will relate a singular incident that I 
read last night. A Grcrman scientist — he could 
onl}^ have been Grerman — once conceived, we are 
told, a plan to train a fish to live out of water. 
He placed a thriving little carp in a small tank, 
and with infinite patience and groat exactness re- 
moved from the tank' one spoonful of water every 
day, at the same time increasing gradually the 
amonnt of oxygen in the water. Tn time the 
water barely covered the carp, and still it thriverl. 
The quantity of water continued to diminish, and, 
by sloAvlv adapting its method of breathing to the 
new conditions, the fish began to breathe air, and, 
indeed, became quite terrestrial in its habits be- 
fore the tank was entirely dry. The scientist had 
grown to love the carp. He fed it from his own 
hand, and now that it was living in the same ele- 
ment with himself, he took it from the tank and 
left it as free to follow its own devices as was the 
family cat. The little fish also loved its master. 



44 AL. martin's country store 

It followed him aboiit from place to place, flop- 
ping along after him, stopping only occasionally 
to leap for a passing fly. One day the scientist 
was crossing a bridge. The carp, as usual, was at 
his heels, enjoying the pleasant air of the country- 
side and uttering from time to time a little sound 
expressive of delight and contentment. About 
the middle of the bridge a fat house-fly was sun- 
ning itself on the rail. The carp spied the fly and 
jumped for it, but, miscalculating the distance, 
went over the rail into the river — and was 
drowned. 

Ned. Git out ! 

Jerry. That 's a sure 'nough fish story. 

Sam. That 's a purty good tale, schoolmaster. 
Eight interestin'. Do you s'pose it 's true ? 

Miller. Can't say. I suppose so. 

Sam. Well, it 's w^onderf ul what things happen 
nowadays. People are gittin' aw^ful smart. 

(Enter Miss Simmons.) 

Miss S. Have you any goods to match this? 
(Shows sample.) 
. A/ (takes clown a bolt). This is the nearest. 

Miss S. That won't do at all. Haven't you 
anything nearer? 

Al. I 'm sorry to say I haven't. 

Miss S. What have you that will go with it ? 

(Al takes down and unrolls several pieces, 
which Miss S. examines.) 

Al. This would go with it nicelv. 

Miss S. I wouldn't like that. 

Al. How would this do? 



AL. martin's country STORE 45 

Miss S. Oh, that wonlcln't do at all. 

AL Could you use this? 

Miss S. Oh, no ! That would he horrid. Have 
you anythinf^: else ? 

AL I don't helieve I have. 

Miss S. I should think you 'd keep more of a 
stock of such things. Will you be getting any new 
goods soon ? 

AL Our stock is all in for the season. 

]\[iss S. Dear me ! That "s always the way in 
a little town. You never can get what you want. 

AL I 'm sorry. Perhaps they have more where 
you got this. 

Miss S. K"o, they haven't. It was a remnant. 
I wouldn't have taken it, 1)ut 1 supposed of course 
I could get more here if I didn't have enougji. 

AL 1 'm sorry to disappoint you. Where did 
you get this? 

Miss S. I sent to New York for it. 

AL Oh! 

Miss S. Well, what can I do? 

AL I 'm sure I don't know\ 

Miss S. I think vou might help me get it. 

AL I would he glad to, if I could. 

Miss S. I don't think vou care a bit. I believe 
you 're mad because I didn't buy it of you. I 
think vou 're real mean ! 

(Exit hastily.) 

Mandy (who has been behind Miss S. watching 
and listening). This is the poorest place to trade 
I ever saw. You can't either make a match or 
furnish a substitute. T don't believe you can even 



46 AL. martin's country store 

strike a match. I did want to get something to 
go with Jerry, but I see I 11 jnst have to write to 
Henpeck for it. 

(Rushes ont, imitating Miss Simmons.) 

AL Marie, I would like a word with you. 

Marie. All right, daddy, what is it? 

(They walk down front.) 

AL I have some very bad news. I hate to tell 
you, but I must. I liave learned that young 
Hawley is a deceiver, and I — 

Marie. pa ! that is impossible ! 

AL I knew you would think so, but what 1 
have Iciirncd romes from one who knows. He has 
been guilty of some vile — 

Marie. I do not l)elieve it. I cannot believe it. 
I know it is untrue. 

AL ]\rarie, listen. You know nothing of this 
young man except what you have seen in a few 
weeks past. He has appeared to be a gentleman, 
[ admit. But one who knew him before he came 
here has told me about him. He cannot be 
trusted. My daughter's good name must not be 
smirched by being associated with that of an ad- 
venturer. 

(Marie hides her face with handkerchief and 
weeps. ) 

Mai'ie (crying). What has lie done? 

AL It is not necessary for me to tell all I 
heard — 

Marie. Who told you? 

AL That I promised not to tell. But, my dear 
child, I trust you know your father's interest is in 



AL. martin's country STORE 47 

his daughter first. I have carefully considered 
the matter, and I am sure the course I propose is 
right. You have trusted m)' judgment before, 
and vou were not sorry for it. I think it best that 
for a time you discontinue being in his company. 

Marie. 1 have niany engagements. 

A.l. Cancel them. Your good name must be- 
protected. 

Marie. Father, you are al^'ays just and kind. 
I suppose you are right, but I do not believe what 
you have heard is true. 

Al. I wish it could not be, but we must believe 
it. Will you tell him? 

Marie. I cannot. 

Al. Then I must. 

Marie. Xo, no, father ! 

Al. jMarie, write him a note. Write it any 
Way you wish, but tell him his attentions must 
cease. Tell him, if you please, that I said so. 

Marie. I will wTite the note, but I do not wish 
to Ije here to give it to him. 

Al. I will attend to the mail when he comes. 

(Marie turns to go.) 

Al. Marie. 

Marie (returning). Well, father. 

Al. If you wish, you might go for a visit to 
Cousin Alice for a fortnight. That will make it 
easier for you. 

Marie. Thank you, daddy. You are very kind. 
I believe I will. 

(Enter Buck and Squire Ilolden. Buck joins 
the loafers; Holden goes to counter.) 



48 AL. MARTIX'S COUNTRY STORE 

Iloldeii. k\, how you selling granulated sugar 
to-day. 

Al. Six cents. 

II olden. Six cents! I see in the market re- 
ports it is quoted five and a half. How does it 
come you are so much higher? 

Al. That 's as cheap as 1 can sell it. 

Ilolden. Dear me ! Your exorbitant prices are 
atrocious. 

Al. How mam^ pounds did you want? 

Ilolden. One. 

Bnch. Boys, I \e decided to be a candidate 
for slierilf. This is the first I 've told any one, 
and I want to make things all right at home. 
Come and have a cigar with me. Al, give us your 
best. 

(All go to counter and take a cigar but Hol- 
den. ) 

Sam. Thank 'ee, Buck. We '11 remember ye. 

Jerry. Here 's wishin' vou success, Buck. 

Ned. We "ll all be for ye, Buck. 

Ilolden. Buck, T don't care for a cigar, I don't 
smoke, and if you don't object I '11 just take the 
nickel instead. 

(Buck pays bill and hands Holden a nickel. 
Others show disgust.) 

Bticl- (aside). If the old fool votes for me, 
it '11 be the cheapest vote I buy. But it '11 be the 
stinkenest. (Exit.) 

Iloldpu. If Bux:'k keeps that up, it '11 cost him 
an awful siglit to get elected, but I reckon the 
county '11 pay for it all. 



AL. MARTINIS COUNTRY STORE 49 

Sam. Bijck '11 (i;ii thar all right, and he orter. 

Marie (conies forward and talks privately to 
A]). Pa, I have written the note, and now I ^m 
ffoino- out. It 's about time for him to come. 
(Sadly.) 

AL All right, Marie, I '11 attend to 'it. 

(Exit Marie.) 

(Enter Jim, running.) 

Jim. Is de schoolmasteh heah? 

Miller. Here ! 

Jim. I jis' want ter know who killed de dead 
sea ? (Exit quickly.) 

(Enter Hawley, door "G." Goes to post-office 
and receives mail from AL Goes toward door 
"I" slowly, opening a letter as he goes. Stops 
near door.) 

Ilawleij. Hello! What 's this? (Reads from 
a sheet of foolscap.) "You might as well know 
"first as last that the girl you are going with is my 
girl, and it is no use for you to try to cut me out. 
So vou will please leave her alone. Gus Eisley.^' 
(Thinks.) Why, that is that half-witted fellow 
that loafs here. Poor fool. Well, I 'm sorry to 
disappoint him, hut if I 'm not mistaken Marie 
is my girl. I hope so at least, and I mean to find 
out. (Opens l\Iarie's note.) Ah, here 's a note 
from her. Good. (Reads a moment, manner 
changes to show emotion.) Heavens! What has 
happened! (Reads.) "Dear Mr. Hawley: I 
have a very disagreeable task to perform. I am 
verv sorry, hut I must cancel all our engagements, 
and ask you not to call upon me for a time at 



50 AL. 

least. ]\ly fatlier has heard some reports of which 
I do not know the nature, but wliicli I do not be- 
lieve, no matter what they are. My father thinks 
it best for me to take this step, and as I trust his 
judgment implicitly, and always obey him, I am 
following his dictates in this case. I am writing 
this note very much against my inclinations. 
Please do not answer or attempt to see me. I hope 
everything will be made right some time. I leave 
to-morrow for a visit to my cousin in the city. 
Marie.^' (With agitation.) What can have hap- 
pened ! What reports have they heard ? I must 
see her! But she says not. (Grows more calm.) 
I wonder if this could be a jok'^, or if some one 
else — no, it 's her writing. (Thinks a moment.) 
It appears that some one has l)Oon telling false re- 
ports about me, no doubt for no other purpose 
than to prevent my going witli lior. (With feel- 
ing.) Thank heaven, my life has l)een clean! I 
am not afraid of anv true report they can make. 
If they accuse me falselv, it cannot stand. Eight 
is right, and right Avill win. I will wait and con- 
quer yet ! 

(Curtain.) 

ACT V. A month later. Present: Al Martin, 
Sam, Jerry, Ned, Tom, Buck, and Miller; 
one or two customers making purchases. 

(Enter Squire Hoi den. About same time Jim 
and Mand}^ enter and listen to his- conversation 
with Al.) 



AL. MAETTN^S COUNTRY STORE 51 

Tt olden. Al, I want to ask a favor oi yon. I 
wonld dearly love to have some corn for dinner, 
and 1 hate to Iniy a can. Won't yon loan me one? 
1 "11 keep the can, and when my corn is ripe I ^11 
fill the can and bring it back to yon as good as 
new, 

Al. NTo, of course not. (After a moment.) 
Here, Sqnire Holden, (takes can from shelf,) if 
yon are so poor, I '11 jnst give yon a can. 

Mandy. Say, Mr. Martin, won't yon please 
loan me -three or fonr sticks of pepperinint candy 
for a while. T woii't do "anything but lick 'em all 
'roiiml. I '11 give 'em back to yon jnst as good 
as ever. 

Jim. Mistah Mahtin, I 'm dreadfnl in need of 
er pair of socks. Won't yer loan me a par fnr a 
week er so? I '11 bring 'em back Jist as good look- 
in' as new, and a^jpow_erfnl sight stronger. 

Mandy. And say, Mr. Martin, won't yon let 
me chew a stick of gnm a while. I '11 keep tlie 
paper clean and give it back, so 's yon can sell it. 

Tlolden. What, yon brats ! Are yon mocking 
me? I '11 skin your miserable hides off your 
l^acks. (Gral)s for them, but they evade him and 
keep out of his reach.) 

Jim. Ketch me, ye ole skinflint. Yah! yah! 

Mandy. Say, Squire, ye ain't as good at run- 
nin' as ye are at squuezin' pennies, are ye? Ta, 
ta ! (Plolden dashes after them; they exit differ- 
ent doors.) 

(Enter Eev. John Wesley Asbury, door "G.^') 

AfJmry. Good-day, gentlemen. ^ly name is 



52 AL. martin's country store 

Asl)iiry. I am the new Methodist preacher. I 've 
just been appointed to this work, and I always 
make it a point to get acquainted at once. (To 
AL) You are the storekeeper, I suppose? Ghid 
to meet you. (Shakes hands.) 

AL Very glad to meet you, Mr. Ashury, and 
to have you with us. Let me introduce you to 
these gentlemen. (Introduces them one by one, 
each arising and shaking hands, expressing some 
greeting. ) 

Ashury. Well, gentlemen, I hope you are all 
members of my flock, but if you 're not, I '11 be 
glad to see you at service, anyway. Come, all of 
you. 

(Enter Harold, who starts for post office; meets 
Asbury. ) 

Ashury. Why, Harold, my bo}^, how do you do ! 
Bless my soul ! I 'm glad to see you ! What are 
you doing here? 

Harold. I 'm delighted to meet you, Brother 
Asbury. I'm with the trolley company that is 
running a line through here. How do you come 
to be here ? 

Ashury. This is my new appointment. Con- 
ference is just over, and I came to get acquainted. 
I knew you v/ere doing civil engineering this year, 
but had no idea I 'd find 3'Ou here. How are you? 

Harold. Quite Avell, thank jom. How are you 
and yours? 

Ashury. We are all well. How is mother and 
sister ? 



AL. MAKTTN's country STORE 53 

Uawleij. Quite well the last I heard from 
them. 

Ashury. I haven't seen any of you for over a 
year. Give my love to them, when you write. 
Will you he here long? 

Harold. Oif and on for some months yet. 

Ashury. I 'm glad to hear it. I '11 he moved in 
a week, and I want you to come to the parsonage 
every day. 

Harold. Thank you. I will he pleased to see 
you often. 

Sam. Parson, tell us a story hefore you go. 

(Ko one to enter during remainder of the play, 
except those who have part.) 

Ashury. A story? With pleasure. I can tell 
you a story of a hero worth knowing. A story 
that is every word true. My hero, whom I have 
known all his life, and who was a model hoy from 
the first, was educated at a university on one of 
our Great Lakes, f Harold slips out unnoticed.) 
I pass over this part quickly, hecause it isn't the 
main part of the story. It is nothing that a boat 
was Avrecked off the coast on a stormy night, and 
all hope of saving the souls on board was aban- 
doned. It is nothing that he, refusing to listen 
to the persuasion of all others, fastened a line 
about his waist and threw himself into the stormy 
lake. Three times he was thrown back by the 
fierce waves, but although cut and bleeding he 
braved the waves again. At length, almost life- 
less, he reached the vessel and was helped aboard, 
the line was made fast to a cable, the cable drawn 



54 AL. MAKTIX'S COUXTIJY STOEE 

in, and the passengers and crew saved. This is 
just introductory to tlie real story. This same 
young man was selected for important and haz- 
ardous work in connection with the great rail- 
road that is to connect Egypt with South Africa. 
He was thought to he specially fitted for the un- 
dertaking, which required tact, ingenuity, sound 
Judgment, and great foresight. He more than 
proved the wisdom of the choice. The company 
under his leadership, in passin-g through an un- 
explored section of Central Africa, came unex- 
pectedly upon evidences of rich mineral wealth. 
Careful exam.ination was made, and it was shown 
that hoth gold and diamonds were present in un- 
usual profusion. The surveys were carefully 
made, and the records completed. Some days 
afterward, while pressing their way farther north, 
i' was made known to my hero that a plan had 
hocn projected to destroy the railroad surveys, 
throw the route ya another direction, appropriate 
the valuable information and papers that belonged 
^o the company, rob them of what they had paid 
for, and turn traitors to their employers, the gov- 
ernment. Mv hero was invited to share in the 
profits of this diabolical scheme. This he re- 
fused to do. He was entreated, l)ut to no pur- 
pose. He was then informed that they intended 
to carry out their scheme, and unless he joined 
them they woulrl kill l^im and go onf without him. 
He told them he preferred death to such infamy. 
They bound him and one native servant, who was 
too much attached to him for them to trust, to 



AL. MxVRTIN'S COUNTRY STOKE 55 

a tree, in tlie jungle, and left them for v.'ikl 
beasts to devour. I cannot tell you all the horrors 
he endured. I must hasten with my story. He 
managed to break the bonds and free himself and 
his servant. He set out to retrace the miles they 
had come, through dangerous and difficult Lec- 
tions, without food or weapons. Finally, after 
m.onths of weary wandering, covering many avv-fud 
experiences, having had fever often, been pursued 
by wild beasts, forced to live on ants and raw 
beans, he arrived, sick and starved, at a settle- 
ment. There fiuding heln, he pushed on to head- 
quarters, where telegraphic communication re- 
vealed the fact that the traitorous band had never 
reached civilization. Learning this, he organized 
a relief party, and, although sick and undone, he 
retraced his steps again to the scene of his de- 
sertion, and from there began a long and weary 
hunt for his enemies. His heart was moved to 
do this, not so much to recover the property, for 
his own safe return made sure the important finds, 
but he loved his enemies, and he sought them for 
their relief. He knew they must be perishing. 
x\fter many disappointments and much anxiety, 
he at last found himself on their trail, and, mak- 
ing a fierce march by night and day, he finally 
came upon their camp, and found what was left 
of them, too weak and sick to resist, even if he had 
rnmo as a warrior. They had had a terrible time. 
They had lost their way, wandered into the most 
dangerous section of the country. More than 
half of them had perished of the fever or hunger. 



K 



56 AL. martin's country store 

and the others were thoroughly repentant. My 
hero afforded them all the relief possible, and 
led the party back to civilization. Then he found 
it necessary to look after his own health. Ho 
sailed for honie^, spent a few months in recreation, 
but finding it distasteful to be unemployed, he 
entered the service of the Trolley Company, pre- 
ferring an active, useful life while regaining his 
health. And so I want to introduce to you my 
friend of many years, Mr. Harold llawloy, the 
famous African adventurer. (Turns and finds 
Harold gone.) Why, where is the boy? 

AL He slipped out some time ago. This is a 
wonderful and interesting story you have told, 
Mr. Asbury. Did you say it was true ? 

Ashury. Every word of it. 

Miller, And you are sure this Harold Hawley 
is the same one that had the African experience ? 

Ashury. Sure? Haven't I known him since 
he was a baby ? Haven't I kept track of him con- 
stantly. Of course, I 'm sure. 

Al. Then T think perhaps an injustice has been 
done him, or else you are deceived. It is reported 
here that he has been guilty of outrageous con- 
duct. If it is not true, I would like to know it. 

Ashury. I am not deceived. I know him per- 
fectly. He is as pure as a lily. Of what is he ac- 
cused ? 

Al. The person who told me pledged me to se- 
crecy, but gave no particulars. However, he said 
he knew the charges to be true of his own personal 
knowledsfe. 



57 



Sam. Al, I Ve been thinkin' about them 
charges fur some time. Seems to me they 're 
purty general. Maybe we 've been gulled. I \e 
a notion that the same feller has told all of us, 
and made us say we wouldn't tell. I 'm goin' to 
say it was the music teacher that told me. How 
about you, Ned? 

Ned. He told me, too. 

Sam. You, schoolmaster? 

Miller. Yes. 

Al. I might as well say he told me, too. He 
seemed to make a pretty strong case, but, as Sam 
says, he simply claimed to know, and didn't make 
any specific charges. 

Ashury. Is this man responsible? 

Al. I can't say. I know little of him. I am 
beginning to think I see through his scheme. I 
believe it is blackmail. 

Ashury. I 'd like to face the man. 

(Enter Padretti.) 

Al. Here he comes now. Come this way, Pad- 
retti. (Padretti joins the group.) Padretti, you 
told me some time ago that certain charges made 
])y you against an individual were true to your 
own personal knowledge. Do you repeat the 
charge ? 

Padretti (boldly). You have betrayed my con- 
fid once, have you? 

Al. There was no confidence to betray. You 
told me nothing except what you told many oth- 
ers. I want to know if you still say you person- 
ally know the charges to be true. 



58 AL. martin's country store 

PadreUi. I can prove all 1 asserted. 

Al. Where did these things occur ? 

PadreUi. At a village in an adjoining State. 

Al. When? 

PadreUi. A year ago. 

Al. What is the nature of the charges? 

PadreUi. I will not enter into details. They 
were sufficient to warrant my assertions. 

Al. The conduct was immoral — criminal? 

PadreUi. Yes. 

Al. Were you in the same village at the time ? 

PadreUi. Yes. 

Ashunj (warmly). Whatever the charges are, 
immoral or criminal, if they have to do with Har- 
old Hawley, they are false I 

PadreUi. I don't know you, sir ! 

Ashury. You will know me soon enough. I 
repeat ! If your charges are against Harold Haw- 
ley, they are false, and you, the author of them, 
are a scoundrel and a blackmailer. Your own 
mouth proves this, for Harold Hawley was in 
Africa a year ago. 

PadreUi (stammering). Oh — I — ah — perhaps 
I am mistaken in the person — 

Ashury. 'Ko, you are not mistaken. You are a 
scoundrel, and unless you acknowledge yourself a 
liar, preacher as I am, I will see that you get your 
deserts ! 

(Corey has entered during the last remarks.) 

Al. Mr. Corey, do you know your secretary, 
Mr. Hawley, to be the same Harold Hawley that 
had the remarkable experience in Africa? 



AL. martin's country STORE 59 

Corey. 1 do. 

Al. And was he there a year ago ? 

Corey. I know that he was — I was with him. 

Al. This fellow (pointing to Padretti) has 
charged Hawley with immoral conduct that oc- 
curred a year ago in this coimtry. 

Corey. It is false. (Looks at Padretti.) Why, 
if I am not mistaken. (Looks closely at Pad- 
retti.) ^N'o, I am not mistaken. Why, this is the 
same villain that went nnder the name of Castello 
five years ago in "N"ew Mexico. I know him hy 
that scar over his ear. Of all contemptible 
wretches, this is the worst. There isn't a crime 
in the catalogue of which he is capable that he 
isn't guilty of. He broke Jail and escaped, and 
the authorities thought it such good riddance that 
they didn't even look for him. He beat a poor 
widow out of a board-bill of $150, and I bought 
the claim in order that she might not lose the 
money. If I can find an officer before you leave 
the county, sir, I '11 have you up for it ! 

(Padretti attempts to go. Asbury grasps his 
arm.) 

Ashury. One moment. I am not through yet. 
You may escape justice, but not until you have 
admitted that 3^ou lied about Harold Hawley. 

Padretti (cringing). I — I guess you are right 
_I did— I lied. 

Ashnry (releasing him). Now, go, and may 
the Lord have mercv on your soul ! 

(Enter Hawley at door "F.") 

(Padretti sneaks out door ^^O.") 



60 AL. martin's country store 

Al (taking HawlG3^'s hand). Mr. Hawley, I 
want to beg your pardon. 1 heard some charges 
against your character, and as my informant said 
he personally knew them to be true, I was led to 
doubt* yon, and doing so requested my daughter to 
write the note 3^ou received. I am responsible for 
her action. I regret my mistake very much. 

llawley. You are not to blame, Mr. Martin, 
although I confess I did not understand what had 
happened. But I knew I was guilty of nothing, 
and that truth would prevail ! 

(Marie, in traveling costume, opens door "H." 
Seeing the crowd, she is about to retreat, when 
her fatlier sees her.) 

Al. Come here, please, Marie. I 'm glad to see 
you back, my daughter. (Advances to meet her, 
and greets her fondly. Eeturning, Al continues.) 
Marie, I was misinformed about jMr. Hawley. The 
villain lied to me. I have just explained matters 
to Mr. Hawley, and begged his pardon. I am 
sorry for the mistake I made, and will be glad to 
see you friends again. 

Marie. How do, everybody. (Smiles at them 
all. Passes on to llawley, who is in front, and 
extends her hand. They walk front.) ^Mr. 
Hawley, I 'm so glad ! 1 did not know what you 
were accused of doing, but I was sure you were 
innocent, 

Corey. Mr. Martin, T would like to give you a 
check for my account. 

' Al. All right. I will see what the amount is. 
(Al and Corey go to desk at "C." ' Al behind 



AL. martin's country store 61 

counter. Asbury remains in front of counter at 

Hawley. Thank you, Marie ! I 'm so glad to 
see you, and doubly so, since I am permitted to be 
your friend again! Have you still a place for 
me? 

Marie. Oh, yes, Mr. Hawley ! I was so sorry 
to leave, but I couldn't bear to stay here and— 
that is — 

(While Marie is speaking, Sam walks to wni- 
dow and looks out. 

Sam. Dog fight, boys ! dog fight ! (Rushes out 
door "F," followed by all the loafers.) 

Hawley. Hid you really care, little girl? 
Would you have missed me ? Hid you while you 
were gone? (Eagerly.) 

Marie. Whv. to be sure I did ! 

Hawley. I ^learned something about you while 
you were awav. By the way, the package came 
this morning— the little trademark I wanted to 
show you. ^Open it! (Takes from pocket and 
gives to Marie.) 

Marie. Why, it is from London! (Tears oft 
paper and opens.) 

Hawley. Hm-hum ! 

Marie. What did vou hear ? 

Hawley. I din't hear. I learned, or discov- 
ered— 

Marie. What? 

Hawley. That unless you can help me out, the 
trademark will be worthless ! 



62 AL. martin's country store 

Marie. Oh ! why, Mr. Hawley ! It 's a diamond 
ring ! I — I thought it was a trademark ! 

Hawley. That represents my husiness, dear, 
present and past ! 

Marie. Why, Mr. Hawley ! 

Asbury (Avho has walked up behind Hawley and 
Marie). Seems to me I could add interest to this 
scene. 

Hawley. Why, yes, pardon me. Marie, here is 
your new pastor, the Rev. Mr. Asbury. He is — 
or was — my best friend — until I knew you. 

Asbury. Most always look for a preacher 
around when a diamond flashes like that, eh, Haw- 
ley ? Did I hear you say something about a trade- 
mark ? Gold and diamonds ! Couldn't hit it 
closer. It 's a genuine African stone, too. When 
shall I come? 

Hawley (slipping ring on Marie's finger). As 
soon as Marie sets the date. 

Marie (playing with ring, looking up shyly). 
I — I don't think I could get ready in less than 
three weeks. 

Asbury (to audience). Ladies and gentlemen, 
you are all invited to witness the ceremony, which 
iLwnt be performed in Al Martin's Country Store. 

(Mandy. enters door "G" early in above conver- 
sation, passes behind Marie and Harold, and joins 
Jim, who enters at door "F," about center of 
stage. They watch proceedings with Interest, and 
as curtain is about to drop, reproduce the scene 
in pantomime. Jim takes from his trousers' 
pocket a large and showy ring, with an enormous 



AL. martin's country STORE G3 

set; and places on Mandy's finger with burlesque 
dramatic action.) 

Jim (as curtain drops). Dem folks furgot 
somepin, Mandy. 

Illandij. What? 

Jim. Dis. (Gives a resounding smack and 
makes an etfort to kiss Mandy. Curtain drops on 
this performance.) 

Curtain. 



NOV 27 1903 



LIBRARY 




